Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Baby Carter......... I miss you.....

It seems so strange that just one year ago I was having a baby today. I rang in the New Year just me and him at the hospital and came home on January 1st of this year. He would be one today, and I wish I could see how he turned out. When would he have crawled? walked? talked? What would his first word have been? Would he actually eat real food, unlike his brother Hayden who eats only starches? There is so much I missed out on and I feel cheated. I will never KNOW my baby. We were just getting used to each other. He will always be my baby, but never my child... we never got that far. Hayden keeps asking why everyone gets to keep their babies and ours had to die. He says it's not fair. I don't know what to do but agree with him. It's just another day, just another year is going to begin. A year that Carter never exhisted in. More time to go by and erase him. I wish I could go back and freeze time. Just be with him one more time knowing what I lost. I always said I didn't like the newborn stage because it is so hard and I just couldn't wait until he was older so I could really enjoy him. Now I wish I had tried harder to enjoy what was there. He was such a good baby. How could I have not loved every minute? I miss him and will always love him..... I just wish he were still here.

Monday, December 28, 2009

New Years Resolution Time Again

It is time to make the same old Resolutions again!!

1. Give up Soda Pop.....For good!
2. Lose that 10 to 15 pounds that won't go anywhere!
3. Stop spending so much money on basically nothing (at least nothing I NEED)
4. Stop giving Hayden everything he asks for (might be the hardest one!)
5. Train for the Ragnar race in June!!!!

This year I really hope to keep at least a couple resolutions, they seem to be about the same every year and it is getting old!!! Wish me luck and I will keep my blog updated on my progress!!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


My Momma's in the kitchen, worrying about me
Season's greetings, hope your well
Well I'm doing alright
If you were wondering
Lately I can never tell

I know this shouldn't be a lonely time
But last Christmas was when you were mine

I've been doing "ok" without you, really
Up until the nights got cold
And everybody's here, except you, baby
Seems like everyone's got someone to hold

But for me it's just a lonely time
Cause last Christmas was when you were mine

Merry Christmas everybody
That'll have to be something I just say this year
I hang your stocking by the rest
I wonder what you'd be like if you were here

I know this shouldn't be a lonely time
But I wonder where you are tonight
Cause last Christmas was when you were mine

You were mine