Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Baby Carter......... I miss you.....

It seems so strange that just one year ago I was having a baby today. I rang in the New Year just me and him at the hospital and came home on January 1st of this year. He would be one today, and I wish I could see how he turned out. When would he have crawled? walked? talked? What would his first word have been? Would he actually eat real food, unlike his brother Hayden who eats only starches? There is so much I missed out on and I feel cheated. I will never KNOW my baby. We were just getting used to each other. He will always be my baby, but never my child... we never got that far. Hayden keeps asking why everyone gets to keep their babies and ours had to die. He says it's not fair. I don't know what to do but agree with him. It's just another day, just another year is going to begin. A year that Carter never exhisted in. More time to go by and erase him. I wish I could go back and freeze time. Just be with him one more time knowing what I lost. I always said I didn't like the newborn stage because it is so hard and I just couldn't wait until he was older so I could really enjoy him. Now I wish I had tried harder to enjoy what was there. He was such a good baby. How could I have not loved every minute? I miss him and will always love him..... I just wish he were still here.


  1. Happy Birthday, Carter
    Kendra (LovingThisBaby... PW)

  2. You're in my thoughts.
    We miss him so much.

    Happy Birthday Baby Carter.
    (twinkle.toez - PW)