Another year ends and an entire year went by without my baby Carter. It seems a little harder this year. Maybe the shock has worn off and now I am stuck trying to remember and trying to move on. It was a pretty good year. I am glad we did the festival of trees and are planning to do it again next year with a big tree. I am doing a country owl tree because owls are considered guardians and I have always loved owls. I am excited it's Christmas, but I wonder if it will ever be the same for me again. I got one Christmas with baby Carter. He wasn't born yet but he was still a part of my life. I really don't like New Years because it was just me and Carter at the hospital ringing in the new year together. I just want to be alone not at a party with a bunch of people. It seems like a special gift I got to have one holiday with him. Hayden is really into Christmas this year and just can't contain himself. He is haveing a hard time being good. He has too much energy and can't go outside and use it up. So of course he was running around the house and broke his arm, again. I hope it is the last time. I am excited to see his face when he comes down the stairs tomorrow. He finally really gets it and really believes in Santa. He is such a good boy and I am so glad he is mine! Merry Christmas everone and I hope next year I can start to enjoy the holidays a little more.... I miss the way I used to feel around Christmas and I think I got a little back this year but I am still so sad.