Thursday, December 22, 2011

Where are you Christmas?

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love

I have a love/hate relationship with Christmas now...... I have a hard time this time of year, but I can't help but love the true spirit of Christmas, if I am lucky enough to see it somewhere. Christmas used to be my very most favorite time of year and now it's just bitter sweet. I want Hayden to love Christmas and I want to teach him it's not about just getting everything you ever wanted. I hope I can teach him about giving when you are able, and helping where you can. I don't want Christmas to be about missing Carter, but he was due Christmas Day so it's a little hard not to put the two together every year. I was hoping it would get easier, but it just seems "normal" to be sad at Christmas time now. I miss how Christmas used to make me feel..... but I do think I got a little bit back this year, so maybe someday I won't be all over the place emotionally at Christmas time.

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